Hello! Welcome back! Is it Friday yet??? This week has been dragging a bit. But tonight I did get to have dinner with some fabulous ladies who I don't get to see often enough. It's so good to know you have such amazing women in your life. Especially ladies who are so classy but can talk about 50 Shades in a way that would make a sailor blush. ;)
I've been totally slacking on the reading this week. I'm reading the second part of the Thoughtless series which is Effortless. But this last week I remembered how much I liked Netflix. Of course Vampire Diaries was listed. All 44 or so episodes. Yes, I've watched them all before and still have some on my DVR, but it's so much better when you can watch them all back to back and not have to skip through commercials which I usually forget to do anyway. Ian Somerhalder would make an awesome Christian Grey (regardless of what other ladies at dinner may think)! Next week, I'll tell you how Effortless is. So far, so good.
On to the title of the post this week: The Ex Factor. So you're dating someone for say 2 1/2 years. It suddenly becomes clear that where you expect the relationship to go and where he sees it going are no where near the same place. After a stressful weekend full of yet another drunken argument, you break up with him. But, the minute you do it, you are like "Oh, crap.". Welcome to my life 2 1/2 yrs ago. After a 2 1/2 year relationship obviously things like marriage, kids and the road we planned to get there were discussed. In my head Happily Ever After was a place that wasn't too far away. If I was a betting woman (which I now am, but only roulette!) I would have bet I'd beat most of my friends down the aisle. Then bam! Reality. At this point, I hadn't been single since I was like 18. I was now 23 and alone with plans to move to a new city. A city far too close to the ex. Quite the pickle I put myself in. After the break up, the ex and I never really stopped talking, especially once I moved. There was always talk of maybe getting back together or my favorite "seeing how it goes". Of course the whole time we were still in communication other things were going on that really should have stopped the second we broke up. Slumber parties don't help anyone get over anything. There is no closure because things just continued as they were before the break up. You can't go to dinner and then spend the night with an ex without slipping right back into the feeling of a relationship (and if you can, more power to ya! But what about the other person?). It was just too much so we stopped talking altogether. Best decision ever. Granted this back and forth talking and then not talking for a few months went back and forth several times- seriously for like 2 years.
Continuing to keep an ex in your life is a horrible idea. Maybe it works for some people but in my case, it was dumb. Was it not enough that I spent so much time with this person in the relationship but now I was continuing to give him years of my life without even paying attention to it? With no sort of commitment? And trying to date with this going on? Ugh. Makes you feel like a horrible person because somewhere, deep down I'm pretty sure I was just waiting for the next time the ex and I would talk. It sounds ridiculous but this is what you get yourself into when you don't just cut things off. And it's really not fair to the person you attempt to date. You aren't fully in whatever relationship is building and the other person is, completely oblivious to the random communication with the ex. Not nice. But one day, the light bulb went off. Somehow it finally clicked that this was complete crap and I deserved better. Someone who wouldn't just be around during the week and disappear on the weekend. And someone who could have a grown up relationship. If I wasn't getting that before when we broke up, I clearly wasn't going to get it now.
Right now, we haven't talked in months. I wish him nothing but the best, but I know he was brought into my life and must have stuck around forever to teach me something. Note to self: Never again. I know some people have great relationships with exes. But when you know that's not the path you and your ex could take, I think it's best to just cut it off altogether. You know how people always say "I must have been drunk that entire relationship."? Well I say I must have been drunk the entire post relationship. But lesson learned!
Side note: I will be going home this weekend for my sister's birthday. If anyone has any last minute suggestions for what to get a 20 yr old, please let me know! :) Leave it to me to procrastinate a bit.
Have a great end of the week/weekend everyone!
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Monday, September 3, 2012
Getting Married Last Lowers Your Chances of Getting Divorced First
Happy Labor Day Weekend! I hope you all got to stay in one place longer than I did. Talk about a busy weekend! No, I didn't move back home. I got a few texts and messages asking about that. I must just really like the awesomeness of 74. Lately, life has been pretty boring. When you stop hanging out with boys who are nothing but trouble, life seems a little less exciting. But, that is totally fine with me.
So the new book this week was Thoughtless by S.C. Stephens. A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. Girl moves across the country with her hot, Australian boyfriend. They move in with his friend, who he knew growing up. This friend just happens to be the local rock star who I imagine looks like a hotter version of Paul Walker (if that's possible). Australian boyfriend has to go out of town for his internship for 2 months. Of course that leaves college girl and rock star home alone. I'm sure you can imagine what happens there. Such a good book. I'm reading the second part to this, Effortless. It's not 50 Shades, but it's pretty dang close.. Minus the red room of pain of course. :)
Alright, I guess I should explain my need to traipse up and down 74 this weekend like it was my job. Went home Friday night for the 3 day weekend, of course. Well, earlier in the week, grandma decided she just had to buy a new car. The need for one was lacking, but apparently once your car has 80,000 miles on it, it is a death trap. (In which case, most people I know should be buying new cars). After talking to grandma about what she wanted, we decided to go see my friend who sells the exact type of car she wanted. So grandma and I made the trip back to Indy Saturday morning. Oh Lord did I feel bad for Pat. There was a car I thought grandma would love. We show it to her, she opens the door, shuts it and says "That interior is disgusting". It was tan! Ugh! On to the next car or two. Still nothing. Thank the lord a trade came in a few days before we got there that wasn't out on the lot. Almost exactly what she wanted minus the heated leather seats she had to have for her "old bones". I swear her doctor told her she needed them and probably gave her the name of his car salesman friend. She gets in the car for a test drive and says the interior was morbid or something like that since it was grey. So no tan, but grey is dreary? Alrighty then. Two test drives later, we have a winner! A 2012 with like 1500 miles on it! Success! Hard part done! So we are sitting there talking to Pat while they are filling out paperwork and what not, and guess what comes out of grandma's mouth... So, Pat, are you a Republican or a Democrat? Oh. my. gosh.... If you know my grandma, you know she thinks Obama will stick you on an old person island to die with some magic kool-aid. She will recruit anyone to work the polls and join the tea party. So she asks this ridiculous question at which point I was about to crawl under the table when Pat says Republican. Thank the Lord! Someone please tell grandma you don't ask people you don't know about money, religion, or politics! As we were sitting there waiting, over the loud speaker we hear "Joe Kline, call on line one". We both froze and stared at each other. For those of you who don't know, my grandpa's name was Joe Kline! Whenever grandma and I would go shopping when I was younger, he would always tell me not to let grandma spend any money. There's a story that one time while grandma was swiping her plastic, I embarrassed her at the check out by saying something like "But grandma, grandpa said you couldn't spend anymore money". Grandma took the intercom announcement as grandpa approving her car purchase since he had always done that stuff for her in the past. I took it as grandpa telling me to not let her spend anymore money. :) Well I failed because a few signatures later, we were on our way home and grandma is now the owner of a new car. Successful morning!
So this weekend, I will be attending a wedding! Heather Sanning-RSVP'ed for 1! Oh singleness, some days you truly are awesome. On wedding weekends however, you are stupid. Now, don't get me wrong, I have fabulous friends (all of which are in long-term relationships or married) who never make me feel like the odd man out. BUT.. The moment my favorite slow song comes on and I get to be the 3rd to a slow dance, I will be less than excited about being able to do what I want, when I want without worrying about someone else's plans. While checking out my new addiction thanks to Joni, someecards.com, I found one that said "Thanks for believing that I can conceivably fill the "plus one" and not mocking me when I can't." Seriously.. Story of my life for the last 2 1/2 years-- the time when everyone I know is getting married!
I know there are people who are in relationships who miss being single. I know there are single people who miss being in a relationship (me, me!). But there are plus and minuses to each and I think they are often forgotten because everyone always thinks the grass is greener on the other side. When you are single, I think it's a time for growing. I know who I am now, without a doubt. If you would have asked me 3 years ago, who I thought I was, was completely wrapped up in a boy. Now, I know I can live alone and not be totally freaked out by a strange noise, survive on dinners of cereal and pasta roni because there are bills that come with living alone (dear future boys, I can't cook), and be comfortable with the silence of being home alone. A lot of people I know never had the opportunity to do this because well, life happens. But when you are single, you are single. There is no one to take to a wedding, no one to call and tell about your day (although I love my momma for talking to me everyday), and no one to cuddle up with on a rainy day. I can go out with as many guys as I want and really have the opportunity to find what qualities I do and I don't want, but consistency just isn't there. You never have the opportunity to be really close with someone when that someone is always changing. You don't want to tell someone your life story if they won't be around next week. Being single has it's fun, exciting and new moments when you are getting to know new people and have the opportunity to make decisions on a moments notice. But being in a relationship has fun parts too. Some parts which I know I don't need to tell you about ;) but besides that, you have a best friend who is always on your side. I know that's a part that can easily be overlooked because fights happen and it seems like you are against each other at times. But in a relationship, you have someone you can count on. You have someone you share interests with, can spend time with in your sweatpants and not feel guilty about it, and will accompany you to things like weddings. Lord knows there are a gazillion more things that can go with each, but I think everyone can overlook the simple stuff. It's usually the simple stuff that makes or breaks a relationship and your view on being single or in that relationship. The simple stuff is more likely than not what attracted you to someone in the first place. If you are in a relationship and are alone more often than not, being single may seem like a fine option. Being in a long term relationship that has no hope of going anywhere serious like the aisle, perfect reason to run if that's something you truly want. Have I questioned my sanity for walking away from a 2 1/2 year relationship because I was waiting for the next step that I knew wouldn't happen to only end up being single for 2 1/2 years? Absolutely! But I know it was the right decision because of the people I have met along this new journey and the people I ended up being friends with as a result of that relationship. In a relationship, I think you know when things are exactly how you wanted. If you are always looking at being single as sucky, but less sucky than your current relationship, run! But, for those of you in a relationship, make sure you appreciate what you do have. You have a partner in crime and confidant. Don't let the stress of life distract you from the basics.
Have a fabulous week everyone! :)
So the new book this week was Thoughtless by S.C. Stephens. A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. Girl moves across the country with her hot, Australian boyfriend. They move in with his friend, who he knew growing up. This friend just happens to be the local rock star who I imagine looks like a hotter version of Paul Walker (if that's possible). Australian boyfriend has to go out of town for his internship for 2 months. Of course that leaves college girl and rock star home alone. I'm sure you can imagine what happens there. Such a good book. I'm reading the second part to this, Effortless. It's not 50 Shades, but it's pretty dang close.. Minus the red room of pain of course. :)
Alright, I guess I should explain my need to traipse up and down 74 this weekend like it was my job. Went home Friday night for the 3 day weekend, of course. Well, earlier in the week, grandma decided she just had to buy a new car. The need for one was lacking, but apparently once your car has 80,000 miles on it, it is a death trap. (In which case, most people I know should be buying new cars). After talking to grandma about what she wanted, we decided to go see my friend who sells the exact type of car she wanted. So grandma and I made the trip back to Indy Saturday morning. Oh Lord did I feel bad for Pat. There was a car I thought grandma would love. We show it to her, she opens the door, shuts it and says "That interior is disgusting". It was tan! Ugh! On to the next car or two. Still nothing. Thank the lord a trade came in a few days before we got there that wasn't out on the lot. Almost exactly what she wanted minus the heated leather seats she had to have for her "old bones". I swear her doctor told her she needed them and probably gave her the name of his car salesman friend. She gets in the car for a test drive and says the interior was morbid or something like that since it was grey. So no tan, but grey is dreary? Alrighty then. Two test drives later, we have a winner! A 2012 with like 1500 miles on it! Success! Hard part done! So we are sitting there talking to Pat while they are filling out paperwork and what not, and guess what comes out of grandma's mouth... So, Pat, are you a Republican or a Democrat? Oh. my. gosh.... If you know my grandma, you know she thinks Obama will stick you on an old person island to die with some magic kool-aid. She will recruit anyone to work the polls and join the tea party. So she asks this ridiculous question at which point I was about to crawl under the table when Pat says Republican. Thank the Lord! Someone please tell grandma you don't ask people you don't know about money, religion, or politics! As we were sitting there waiting, over the loud speaker we hear "Joe Kline, call on line one". We both froze and stared at each other. For those of you who don't know, my grandpa's name was Joe Kline! Whenever grandma and I would go shopping when I was younger, he would always tell me not to let grandma spend any money. There's a story that one time while grandma was swiping her plastic, I embarrassed her at the check out by saying something like "But grandma, grandpa said you couldn't spend anymore money". Grandma took the intercom announcement as grandpa approving her car purchase since he had always done that stuff for her in the past. I took it as grandpa telling me to not let her spend anymore money. :) Well I failed because a few signatures later, we were on our way home and grandma is now the owner of a new car. Successful morning!
So this weekend, I will be attending a wedding! Heather Sanning-RSVP'ed for 1! Oh singleness, some days you truly are awesome. On wedding weekends however, you are stupid. Now, don't get me wrong, I have fabulous friends (all of which are in long-term relationships or married) who never make me feel like the odd man out. BUT.. The moment my favorite slow song comes on and I get to be the 3rd to a slow dance, I will be less than excited about being able to do what I want, when I want without worrying about someone else's plans. While checking out my new addiction thanks to Joni, someecards.com, I found one that said "Thanks for believing that I can conceivably fill the "plus one" and not mocking me when I can't." Seriously.. Story of my life for the last 2 1/2 years-- the time when everyone I know is getting married!
I know there are people who are in relationships who miss being single. I know there are single people who miss being in a relationship (me, me!). But there are plus and minuses to each and I think they are often forgotten because everyone always thinks the grass is greener on the other side. When you are single, I think it's a time for growing. I know who I am now, without a doubt. If you would have asked me 3 years ago, who I thought I was, was completely wrapped up in a boy. Now, I know I can live alone and not be totally freaked out by a strange noise, survive on dinners of cereal and pasta roni because there are bills that come with living alone (dear future boys, I can't cook), and be comfortable with the silence of being home alone. A lot of people I know never had the opportunity to do this because well, life happens. But when you are single, you are single. There is no one to take to a wedding, no one to call and tell about your day (although I love my momma for talking to me everyday), and no one to cuddle up with on a rainy day. I can go out with as many guys as I want and really have the opportunity to find what qualities I do and I don't want, but consistency just isn't there. You never have the opportunity to be really close with someone when that someone is always changing. You don't want to tell someone your life story if they won't be around next week. Being single has it's fun, exciting and new moments when you are getting to know new people and have the opportunity to make decisions on a moments notice. But being in a relationship has fun parts too. Some parts which I know I don't need to tell you about ;) but besides that, you have a best friend who is always on your side. I know that's a part that can easily be overlooked because fights happen and it seems like you are against each other at times. But in a relationship, you have someone you can count on. You have someone you share interests with, can spend time with in your sweatpants and not feel guilty about it, and will accompany you to things like weddings. Lord knows there are a gazillion more things that can go with each, but I think everyone can overlook the simple stuff. It's usually the simple stuff that makes or breaks a relationship and your view on being single or in that relationship. The simple stuff is more likely than not what attracted you to someone in the first place. If you are in a relationship and are alone more often than not, being single may seem like a fine option. Being in a long term relationship that has no hope of going anywhere serious like the aisle, perfect reason to run if that's something you truly want. Have I questioned my sanity for walking away from a 2 1/2 year relationship because I was waiting for the next step that I knew wouldn't happen to only end up being single for 2 1/2 years? Absolutely! But I know it was the right decision because of the people I have met along this new journey and the people I ended up being friends with as a result of that relationship. In a relationship, I think you know when things are exactly how you wanted. If you are always looking at being single as sucky, but less sucky than your current relationship, run! But, for those of you in a relationship, make sure you appreciate what you do have. You have a partner in crime and confidant. Don't let the stress of life distract you from the basics.
Have a fabulous week everyone! :)
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