The Ex Factor

Hello! Welcome back! Is it Friday yet??? This week has been dragging a bit. But tonight I did get to have dinner with some fabulous ladies who I don't get to see often enough. It's so good to know you have such amazing women in your life. Especially ladies who are so classy but can talk about 50 Shades in a way that would make a sailor blush. ;)

I've been totally slacking on the reading this week. I'm reading the second part of the Thoughtless series which is Effortless. But this last week I remembered how much I liked Netflix. Of course Vampire Diaries was listed. All 44 or so episodes. Yes, I've watched them all before and still have some on my DVR, but it's so much better when you can watch them all back to back and not have to skip through commercials which I usually forget to do anyway. Ian Somerhalder would make an awesome Christian Grey (regardless of what other ladies at dinner may think)! Next week, I'll tell you how Effortless is. So far, so good.

On to the title of the post this week: The Ex Factor.  So you're dating someone for say 2 1/2 years. It suddenly becomes clear that where you expect the relationship to go and where he sees it going are no where near the same place. After a stressful weekend full of yet another drunken argument, you break up with him.  But, the minute you do it, you are like "Oh, crap.".  Welcome to my life 2 1/2 yrs ago. After a 2 1/2 year relationship obviously things like marriage, kids and the road we planned to get there were discussed. In my head Happily Ever After was a place that wasn't too far away. If I was a betting woman (which I now am, but only roulette!) I would have bet I'd beat most of my friends down the aisle.  Then bam! Reality. At this point, I hadn't been single since I was like 18. I was now 23 and alone with plans to move to a new city.  A city far too close to the ex.  Quite the pickle I put myself in.  After the break up, the ex and I never really stopped talking, especially once I moved. There was always talk of maybe getting back together or my favorite "seeing how it goes".  Of course the whole time we were still in communication other things were going on that really should have stopped the second we broke up. Slumber parties don't help anyone get over anything. There is no closure because things just continued as they were before the break up.  You can't go to dinner and then spend the night with an ex without slipping right back into the feeling of a relationship (and if you can, more power to ya! But what about the other person?).  It was just too much so we stopped talking altogether. Best decision ever. Granted this back and forth talking and then not talking for a few months went back and forth several times- seriously for like 2 years.

Continuing to keep an ex in your life is a horrible idea. Maybe it works for some people but in my case, it was dumb.  Was it not enough that I spent so much time with this person in the relationship but now I was continuing to give him years of my life without even paying attention to it? With no sort of commitment?  And trying to date with this going on? Ugh. Makes you feel like a horrible person because somewhere, deep down I'm pretty sure I was just waiting for the next time the ex and I would talk. It sounds ridiculous but this is what you get yourself into when you don't just cut things off. And it's really not fair to the person you attempt to date. You aren't fully in whatever relationship is building and the other person is, completely oblivious to the random communication with the ex. Not nice. But one day, the light bulb went off. Somehow it finally clicked that this was complete crap and I deserved better. Someone who wouldn't just be around during the week and disappear on the weekend. And someone who could have a grown up relationship. If I wasn't getting that before when we broke up, I clearly wasn't going to get it now.

Right now, we haven't talked in months. I wish him nothing but the best, but I know he was brought into my life and must have stuck around forever to teach me something. Note to self: Never again.  I know some people have great relationships with exes. But when you know that's not the path you and your ex could take, I think it's best to just cut it off altogether.  You know how people always say "I must have been drunk that entire relationship."? Well I say I must have been drunk the entire post relationship. But lesson learned!

Side note:  I will be going home this weekend for my sister's birthday. If anyone has any last minute suggestions for what to get a 20 yr old, please let me know! :) Leave it to me to procrastinate a bit.

Have a great end of the week/weekend everyone!